A Hillbilly was involved in an accident.
The Trooper asked him, "Didn't you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?"
The Hillbilly replied, "Ahh sure I did...and I did it...yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin'!!!"
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. Dear husband, you wouldnt believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden.
The prisoner writes back: Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.
A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
An eighteenth-century German named Matthew Birchinger, known as "the little man of Nuremberg," played four musical instruments including the bagpipes, was an expert calligrapher, and was the most famous stage magician of his day. He performed tricks with the cup and balls that have never been explained. Yet Birchinger had no hands, legs, or thighs, and was less than 29 inches tall.