Useless Facts

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Yo mama so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo mama so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo mama so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.
 
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A Hillbilly was involved in an accident.
The Trooper asked him, "Didn't you see that yield sign when you were merging onto the highway?"
The Hillbilly replied, "Ahh sure I did...and I did it...yup, I Yieeeld and Yieeeld at that there truck and he justa kepp on comin'!!!"
 
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Once there was a blonde who really needed some money. She saw an ad in the newspaper for a job at an Elmo factory.

She went down and applied, but the manager told her that she wouldn't want the job because it was so boring.




The blonde begged him and told him she would do anything because she needed the money really bad.

After long consideration the manager hired her.

After a few hours, the manager looked at the video-monitor showing the factory floor and saw that the conveyer belt was backed up.

The manager went downstairs to find out what the problem was.




When he arrived the blonde was sewing two marbles into the crotch of every Elmo.

The manager said, "I said to give each Elmo two test tickles not two testicles.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: Dear husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?
The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replies in a letter: Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money.
A week or so later, he receives another letter from his wife. Dear husband, you wouldnt believe what happened. Some men came with shovels to the house and dug up the back garden.
The prisoner writes back: Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce.
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery," he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"Oops!"
 
A

Anonymous

Guest
  1. It costs more to buy a new car today in the United States than it cost Christopher Columbus to equip and undertake three voyages to and from the New World.
 
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  1. An eighteenth-century German named Matthew Birchinger, known as "the little man of Nuremberg," played four musical instruments including the bagpipes, was an expert calligrapher, and was the most famous stage magician of his day. He performed tricks with the cup and balls that have never been explained. Yet Birchinger had no hands, legs, or thighs, and was less than 29 inches tall.
 
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  1. Count the number of cricket chirps in a 15-second period, add 37 to the total, and your result will be very close to the actual outdoor Fahrenheit temperature.
 
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